Whod you bang
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
