Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize