I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
she told me i tasted like america
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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