I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
