toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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