Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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