I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize