You made me cry and you don't even care
I look better un-naked...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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