people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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