Do you still have your period?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
