Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
