i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
