i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Randomize
