yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
