So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
