it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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