I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
