What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
