No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
