So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
