i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
