i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
