you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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