Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize