I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
