What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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