roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
