bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
