my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
