Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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