My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
