i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize