guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Can I color on your dick again?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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