A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize