come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
