I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
