What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
