Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
