So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
