Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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