I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
