Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
