My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
