That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
