I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
