is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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