I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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