OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
third nipple confirmed
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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