I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
