I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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