dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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