oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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