Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
