nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
