You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
