Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
