do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
