sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
