the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
