You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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